I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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