I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
