I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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