standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
