Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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