i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
