Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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