The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
not ubering you a puppy
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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