First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
