So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
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