did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
