I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
