I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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