I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize