I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
