Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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