i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
