This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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