kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
