I think im going to throw up on grandma
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
