Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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