so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
