i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
