we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
