Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
