i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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