He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
