I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
