Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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