You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
