1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
