NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
