i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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