I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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