My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
