I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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