I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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