Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
