she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
