i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
