I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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