i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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