i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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