trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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