Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
