I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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