Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
