i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
