How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
