i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
