Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
