so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize