hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
