I never want to see another naked old woman again.
handjob tips. give me some.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
