He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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