Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
