Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize