You're so nebulous sometimes
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
