I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize