So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
