Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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