going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
