She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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