I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
