btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
