we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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