also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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