The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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