He asked to "fluff my boner.."
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize