I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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